Death?!

For so many years, I have looked for every explanation as to why I am able to sense my deceased loved ones, the things that they do and how it feels physically and emotionally. I've studied "Quantum-everything", at least what I could understand it. I've learned a few thing's along the way. When I'm overwhelmed by my own sadness, depression and NEED, I look for comfort and answers.



The problem is that I try too hard, bullying my will power (weird expression, but I can't think of a better term) - my energy becomes static and clouded and I can't see or sense anything. I've learned a few very important things regarding death - if I really pay attention, I mean really pay attention - I always know...several months before that person is going to die.



Of course, I can only say this about those that I have had close bonds with. I now know what the "shadow of death" means.



After losing my brother (20 years ago) at the age of 29 and more recently, my stepfather of 35 years, my children's father who I had known for 40 years and my own father who I was very close too..all within the last three years. Each of these men had projected the exact same type of energy, prior to their deaths. I remember feeling the first inklings of loss....I saw on each of their faces (within months) something, much like a shadow...like when we dim a light. It was always disconcerting and I would feel this heaviness in my heart (solar plexus).... I really believe now that what I felt and saw was a gentle warning, much like a countdown to what was already pre-ordained.



Have you ever really wondered how it is that our energy can be projected into a clear intention and with virtually any effort our need is always met, in some way or another.



This all ties into one thing "faith"...NOT in the religious sense-I want to make that clear. This is much bigger than our silly, mundane religion's. Most of us at one time or another will say "seeing is believing" BUT...some of you might remember the movie "hook", there was a there was a truly poignant line, that I will (I can't remember who said it...maybe Tinkerbell...The Lost Boy's?) "believing is seeing".


We already know - believe, without attachment... live and experience this life...good or bad, it really doesn't matter. What matters is how we conduct ourselves in relation to EVERYTHING else...our actions, choices and most importantly our ability to accept the choices of those we love.

Every person, relationship, action...whatever, everything has meaning and all are of equal importance.

I am 46 years old, I have tempted death more times than I can remember - not because I wanted to die...it was more like "how far can I go".
I still look at the world in wonder - much like I did as a child...everything is so much more interesting that way.
Six months ago, I saw the shadow on my father's face and this time, I paid attention. In that moment, I love him mistakes and all...it no longer mattered. I knew we didn't have much time so during the course of many coffee conversations (about 3 months) - almost everything I needed him to know, was said. It certainly does not change the pervasive grief that lives in my heart but at least it isn't clouded up with unresolved stuff.