Chloe and Richie in NY - Fall 2007I think that there is something to be said about learning "anything", through the process of "trial and error" - not that this post has anything to do with trial and error.
I am generally a very impatient person and wasting precious time, really irks me - especially if it's my time being wasted. Of course I can't say much more on the subject since I'm pretty guilty of committing the same act - on occasion, of course.
I guess "patience" is one (out of many) of those charming life lessons that are so generously and lovingly allotted to us when we make that trip into our mothers womb. If you don't get my meaning, then you're a conscious retard. I'm getting so over the "life lesson" stuff and honestly, it's just become one big DRAG.
Thus far I have come to believe and without a doubt, that the big G-O-D wants to know, feel and experience "how we handle" things....ladeedadeeda - how omnipotent of him.
Just to name a few minor things we must contend with - not once or twice but over and over and over and.......
Anger
Betrayal
Love
Disregard for human suffering/life
Selfishness
Compassion
Integrity
Honesty
Procrastination
Laziness
Denial
etc...etc...etc...because "He" can.
Anyway, what other purpose could there possibly be, but to grow and evolve. I mean I can't imagine a purpose of destruction and utter chaos. Although, we somehow manage to live soley for that purpose.
If you don't believe me - I don't really give a shit. Do yourself a favor and go and read a few different religious texts during one of those "I'm a selfish moron" moments. By the way, any religion will do - this is pretty standard G-O-D stuff.
Over the course of my life I have become so acutely aware of my deeply embedded character flaws, so much so that when I commit an act or thought that goes against my inherently spiritual nature (this applies to other people as well) - I get mentally sick and sometimes physically ill, even when in righteous anger.
ON THAT NOTE......................(a Richie moment)
I definitely get sick (starting in anger followed by shame of the perpetrator/s) when I think of the absolute disregard that the individual/s responsible had for Rich, which had led to his demise. Rich, who had suffered pain and fear beyond what most of us could even imagine - at the very end asking (begging) for help and being ignored by some selfish pig, resembling what we'd like to think is a human being. On the one hand I can't imagine having to live with the shame of knowing that I was responsible for a man's life and I ignored my responsibility - which resulted in his death. Personally, that would have me fucked up for a very, very long time.
Oh boy.......(rage comes so very fast when I start to re-call)
****My lesson:
Acceptance, compassion....Uhhh...forgiveness????
****Newton's (damned) third Law:
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction - Of course logic would dictate that this applies to every aspect of the known universe, including our souls.
The thing is, we do have an "out", to some degree.
Our souls have power, a power that is exponentially greater than all the physical universe. We can decide to do the right thing, think the right way and to not disregard what feels inherently wrong. We can change the course of an event with a mere gesture and yes, we can also change the outcome.
The Universe in all of it's chaotic infinite Quantum-ness must still..... follow the rules or the "order of operations". After all, the Universe doesn't say to itself "lets go fuck with earth", because it's selfish and mean. The universe is the structure, the net that holds us and it must maintain it's integrity in order for us to feel safe and to thrive - it's our damned house. No, we are the ones who ignore the rules by committing irreverent acts, we are the ones that make choices that cause sadness, grief and pain - unlike the universe, we have a choice, we have free will... so there it is.
One thing that I know is that whomever is responsible for Richie's death cannot dismiss their actions. Sorry, but it doesn't work that way. Their actions, at the time of the offense, had already put Newton's third Law into effect - which applies everywhere.
I do believe that the affront, could quite possibly - fall into the "mortal sin" category.
Uh,oh...I think you guys are in BIG trouble. I wouldn't trade places with you, even for a genie that could grant me three wishes.
My lesson:
1) I feel compassion for their soul (I must be evolving...phew)
2) Forgiveness?.................................................Oh FUCK, that's a tough one. Fortunately, I think I have a good 30-40 years to work on that one.
I'm pretty sure that I'll be here for a while as the big guy up there, likes to challenge me on a regular basis. Even though the recent cause of pain and grief live and thrive in my heart like a replicating virus, I seem to be handling it okay. In spite of the rock solid "denial" mechanism that I possess, I am still acutely aware that I need to revisit my feelings and "process" - fuck, I really hate that word...it's so PC - I think I'm going to throw up.
Redemption can be........a beautiful gift or like in Monopoly-land, it is a "get out of jail free" card (no pun intended).
Daphne's last kiss.... this the last picture we took - before he died. This picture breaks my heart.
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